by Todd Wachtel, Special Correspondent
Asuncion, Paraguay – Scientists at the World Meteorological Organization today revealed that the naming of hurricanes are actually derived from their fascination with movies. “We try to be coy about it”, said Professor Pablo Blanco, “but it’s there if you’re willing to look at it.”
Officially, strict procedures have been used in the naming of hurricanes since the 1950’s, however, this is not always adhered to. “Sure, we have procedures, but I mean who’s really paying attention to us when there isn’t some hurricane or something. I mean really, we’re like the Olympics. Everyone is an expert when a hurricane comes around, and then for the next four years they forget about us. To you people in New Jersey, we’re like the weather equivalent of the luge.”
Blanco revealed that the true criteria is the Netflix queue for the WMO’s “Employee of the Month”, and apparently it’s a big deal. “We do an employee of the month every month, but it’s only when a tropical storm or hurricane comes around that anyone gets to name anything.”
For example, Blanco reveals that in 2012, Barbara from accounting was a huge fan of the movie “Grease” and, thus,“Hurricane Sandy” was named. Previously, in 2011, Bob from maintenance was a Bruce Lee fan, and thus “Tropical Storm Lee.” Most recently, in 2014, “Hurricane Arthur” was named by Professor John Smith, a huge Dudley Moore fan.
As Hurricane Joaquin approached, Professor Blanco revealed that Patty, a secretary who sits on the third floor by the window, is a big fan of the movies “Gladiator” and “Walk the Line”, which starred Joaquin Phoenix. “Look, for most of the year, we have a ton of free time”, said Blanco, “This is like our Championship game. Everyone is on their best behavior during hurricane season.”
Todd is so New Jersey that if you cut him, he bleeds salt-water taffy. Todd is the former producer of “The Jersey Todd Show”, a pioneer podcast, which was part of Adam Curry’s Podshow Network, and rebroadcast on Howard Stern’s network on Sirius Satellite Radio (now Sirius/XM).