Horoscopes by Horoscopologist Dennis Ross
Aries March 20 to April 20
Be open to change and please start with changing those socks.
Taurus April 20 to May 21
Love is all around you but luckily disinfectant is cheap.
Gemini May 21 to June 21
There is a good chance that you will get what you desire but that is still no excuse not to pull up your pants. That is not why they refer to you as a moon child.
Cancer June 21 to July 23
Money may never buy you happiness but there are plenty of rental properties nearby that you can pick up cheap.
Leo July 23 to August 23
The good new is that food for thought will never get you fat.
Virgo August 23 to September 23
You are a problem solver, but have you even once wondered how they get Teflon to stick to pans?
Libra September 23 to October 23
The World loves a winner but eat raw onions and you will dine alone.
Sagittarius November 22 to December 22
Please call your wireless phone provider to save money on your account. Ask for Dave.
Capricorn. December 22 to January 19
Be aware that your nature is cautious but in disciplined. You have a tendency to look both ways before you quit.
Aquarius. January 20 to February 18
Happiness is just around the corner, if you can just avoid the turning lane?
Pisces. February 19 to March 20
Good health is always the answer, except of course, if the question is, What is succotash?