by Steve Schwarz
Hello Bridgewater! That was one hell of a snow storm we had in January! I haven’t seen that much white powder since my college days! Stockton State Class of ’87 baby! What was I talking about again? I’m always forgetting. Too much white powder back in the 80’s. Oh yeah…the snow storm.
I have three cars. I can only fit two in my driveway comfortably. I believe after 30 years of teaching YOUR kids (I’m a teacher if you can’t read between the lines), I’ve earned the right to be comfortable. So, why couldn’t I park my car in the street during the storm? Why couldn’t the overworked, exhausted plow guy cut me a break. Why didn’t the sleep deprived, frozen guy just plow around me?
Why did the vindictive, cold hearted sociopath feel the need to completely bury my car under a giant mountain of snow? It took me six hours to dig little Betty out. I started having chest pains (It might have been gas). I had to call out of work for the whole week (I didn’t feel like teaching the little F’ers anyway!) Yes, I have 978 sick days, but you never know when you’re going to need to be out of work for five straight years (As soon as I figure out how to call out sick for five years, I’m balls in!)
Anyway, can someone tell me this bastard’s name? I’m going to send him a nasty letter letting him know that he messed with the wrong guy (Actually, that sounds like a lot of work. Screw it!) And the next time it snows, I’m parking all three cars in the street. What’s he going to do…plow them ALL in?
Steve Schwarz has lived in New Jersey since he was seven years old. He has been performing stand up comedy since 2012 and has been a full time computer science professor at a local community college for 14 years. In 1994, Steve submitted a script to The Simpsons that was summarily rejected. The episode, entitled “Homer’s Nuclear Donuts”, would have been awesome! When he was a little boy, Steve loved Mad Magazine and used to write his own satire with his brother Larry. Most of the good stuff was destroyed during Hurricane Floyd in 1999.