by Marty Rudoy
“World Wrestling Enterprises is switching to an all-debate format for the spring wrestling season,” announced WWE President Randy Badger.
“We’ve had great success with wrestlers maiming each other with card chairs and microphones,” Badger said, “but now that we’ve seen the Republican debates get huge ratings with meaningless questions, insults and sly anatomical references, well, we want a
piece of that.”
Badger explained that safety is the big unknown. “We can deal with concussions, broken bones and ruptured spleens,” Badger said, “What we can’t predict the psychic damage the debates might do. Just look at the mental states of the republican candidates. They’re no longer fit to wrestle.”
The first such Smackdown will feature Seth Rollins debating Brock Lesner on foreign policy. “We’re betting that the fans will think Lesner is more presidential, largely because of his stand on Croatian independence,” Badger noted.
“I’m really looking forward to this,” squealed fan Peter Throkmorton of Kansas City, KS,. The 10-year old has front row tickets to the Cesaro-Kevin Owens Global Warming Demolition. “I can watch my heroes and learn about climate change at the same time,” he said.
In a remarkable coincidence, the Republican National Committee today announced the next debate will be in Hunger Games format, with Donald Trump getting a 45 second head start.
Marty Rudoy is a writer and producer, known for The Arsenio Hall Show(1989), Sparky’s(2012) and Happy New Year, America (1995). He is a lawyer, and even appeared as a lawyer in the film “Comedy Hell”.
“Marty has quietly made a distinguished career as a writer, producer, and yes, actor. Marty wrote for the Arsenio Hall Show and handed Jay Leno some of his best monologue lines; including the still celebrated Exxon Valdez joke from March 1989, now a part of Jay Leno lore.”