by Marty Rudoy
LOS ANGELES: “We are in the middle of an epidemic of Facepalm injuries,” claims Dr. Herbert Penney of the Center for Disease Control.
“The symptoms of Facepalm syndrome include a reddening of both the face and the palm, with a severe indentation in the face in extreme cases. A hunched back and extended neck are secondary symptoms. Occasionally we see a cracked skull.”
Most of the Facepalm patients report having viewed a political debate at or about the time of the Facepalm injury. “I’ve seen people in bars watching the debates. You can hear it, ‘Slap slap slap slap slap…’ each one a facepalm and each one a potential life threatening injury, especially for infants or the elderly.”
There is no permanent cure for Facepalming, but isolation from news outlets, Facebook and Twitter can alleviate the symptoms.
The CDC reports that viewers of MSNBC seem more affected by Facepalming, while viewers of Fox Cable seem more affected by strained vocal cords and shrapnel injuries from shot-up TVs.